Wanting Someone Who Keeps Playing With You

I lowkey hate men sometimes. Lately I’ve been going out a lot, just trying to enjoy my teenage years and actually have fun. I’ve been outside more, hanging with my homegirls, going to clubs, and living life. But the reason I’m writing this is because deep down, I’m hurt.

I met this guy on social media. He lived in my city, and we started talking. At first everything was cool, but then he ghosted me out of nowhere. Honestly, I wasn’t too hurt because I had already started talking to somebody else anyway, so I kept it moving. But the second he saw me going out and living my life, suddenly he wanted to come back around.

I was like okay, cool. But I never got attached because he already ghosted me once. We started talking again, and things were fine for a little while. Then one night I told him I was going out with my homegirl, and he got mad. He started telling me to delete his number and acting toxic for no reason just because I wanted to go to the club.

He even said he was going to pull up to the club, and he actually did.

We chilled in his car for a while, argued a little, then everything seemed okay again. He even drove me and my friend home afterward. But the problem was, every time I wanted to go out, he would get mad about it. And I’m thinking to myself, I’m not even your girlfriend. You act like you don’t fully want me, so of course I’m moving single.

Then I found out that the same night we linked, he linked with another girl too.

That’s when I stopped texting him because honestly, that was weird. But of course, he came back saying he missed me. And being dumb, I admitted I missed him too.

That’s where everything started getting worse.

We started arguing again because I told him I was going out with my homegirls. Before all this, he had told me he wanted a relationship too, but he “needed time” because another girl hurt him. So I tried to understand him. I tried being patient with him.

But one night he was drunk with his friends and started disrespecting me, calling me out of my name, and talking crazy for no reason. And I’m like, you’re not about to disrespect me just because you’re drunk and around your friends.

Then he sent me a picture with another girl just to make me mad.

At that point I told him if that’s what he wants to do, then leave me alone and stop hitting me up. We haven’t talked since then.

The crazy part is, I still miss him sometimes. Not because I’m in love, but because I got used to him being around. I cared about him, and I kept trying to see the good in him even when he kept showing me toxic behavior. I stayed understanding because I knew he was going through things, but eventually it started feeling like I was the only one trying.

Some people want loyalty, attention, and someone who understands them, but still move single whenever they get upset. They want you there when it benefits them, but the second they’re mad, they try to hurt you on purpose.

And honestly, that’s exhausting.

At the end of the day, I’m learning that just because you care about somebody doesn’t mean you have to keep accepting disrespect from them.